Osama bin babblin’ (again)
Everybody’s favourite moving target, Osama bin Hidin’, hacked up his latest hairball and boy, was it a doozy. I don’t know whether to file this in the humour section or not.
In the newly released audio tape, the world’s most well known compulsory spelunker fawningly praised the Baghdad Beheader, the Zarkster, calling him everything from “one of our greatest knights and princes,” to “a symbol for our great Islamic nations,” to “an absolutely fabulous chap with a magnificent little bum.”
His burblings continue with the tired old threat to Western nations that “We will continue to fight you and your allies everywhere, in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia and Sudan to run down your resources and kill your men until you return defeated to your nation,†etc, etc, bibbity, bobbity, bullshit.
Dear Binky:
On behalf of the loyal Canadian soldiers of Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second (by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom, Canada and Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith), serving in Afghanistan, please allow me to extend to you this most sincere and heartfelt invitation:
Having heard of your earnest desire to make our acquaintance, we feel obligated, as servants of a tolerant and accommodating nation (a reputation which we humbly submit is well earned on our part), to assist you in this endeavour in any and all ways at our disposal.
As you are no doubt aware, we have been in Afghanistan for some time now and, we give you our word on this, we have been eagerly looking forward to making your acquaintance as well but, sadly (and we must confess to great embarrassment on our part over this unpardonable oversight, which we are certain is no fault of yours), we seem to have lost your address. Do forgive us. But we are certain that such a benevolent fellow as yourself can easily bear in mind how very busy we have been and excuse such a minor oversight.
Please inform us as to your whereabouts (this can be done with little trouble on your part, via such simple means as a note passed to any Coalition soldier that you may happen to bump into) and we give you our word as soldiers that we will arrange the introduction that you desire with all haste.
No, no need for you to come to us; we understand how extremely busy you must be and the dreadful constraints which that must place upon your valuable time. Just sit back, relax, enjoy the stalactites (or stalagmites, if that be your preference), and we will gladly take care of all the bothersome little logistic details of promptly arriving (we promise not to be tardy) to introduce ourselves in a proper manner before blowing your sorry arse to confetti.
We await your response with great eagerness and anticipation.
Sincerely,
- 1st Battalion Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry
- 2nd Battalion Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry
- 1 Combat Engineer Regiment
- 1 Royal Canadian Horse Artillery
- 12 Regiment Blinde du Canada
- 408 Tactical Helicopter Squadron
PS - No need to supply refreshments. Time and distance permitting, we will bring coffee and timbits. We promise.
