Category: USA

I don’t like Obambi. This fact is far from secret. So far, in fact, that it couldn’t get to secret if it took a nickel to go to China. The man — and I think I’m taking a dangerous liberty with that word here — is a buffoon. He makes speeches that vaguely promise the moon but he’d be lucky if he could figure out how to deliver green cheese. He hasn’t accomplished a damned thing in his time in the US Senate and his experience, were it expressed as a fraction, would be written as diddly over squat. And before any of the usual suspects start blabbing about “another inexperienced Senator from Illinois,” let me explain one very, very simple little thing to you:

Even on the best God damned day of his life, Barack still wouldn’t be a match for Abe if Lincoln was coming off a three day drunk. Period. The minute — hell, screw that; the SECOND — that the words “God damn America” came out of his sorry piehole, Lincoln would have fistf*cked Jeremiah Wrong right in the mouth! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is everything that you will ever need to know about Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln. Case closed (not that that’ll keep me from shooting my mouth off some more). Lincoln was a man of principles and integrity who stuck to his guns, even if they were pointed at him; Obambi is a smarmy fop with a messianic complex who twists in the wind of public opinion. Lincoln met adversity head-on; Obambi’s a deer in the headlights. Obama’s chumminess with seditious elements has shown him to be a two-faced little pretty boy; Lincoln (who, let’s be honest, was a less than hansom man) once quipped, in all seriousness, “if I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” You get the idea.

And you know what? Nothing that I’ve written so far in this post means jack. Not a damned word of it. The reason why is simple: I’m Canadian. I don’t live in the U-S of A and I’m not going to be voting in their election, so whatever the hell I think about Obama or McCain or anyone else doesn’t add up to half a fart in a hurricane. My opinion just plain doesn’t matter.

So, what the hell am I shooting my mouth off for, then? Well, to be honest, I rather like the Yanks. There, I said it. Sure, they piss me off every now and then; the softwood lumber thing is a bit of a longtime burr under my saddle and Ann Coulter’s “lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent” crack made me want to bend her over and ram my Shutthef*ckup Stickâ„¢ up her narrow ass until her ears popped, but for the most part, all the Americans I’ve met have all been the nicest folks. And, contrary to popular belief, a hell of a lot more polite than a lot of Canucks I can think of.

So, I like the Yanks (it’s not as if I were the first, after all). I also understand how democracy works. It needs to be healthy and in order for that to be true, the people need to have faith in it. They need to be able to put some faith into their parties, even if that party is (ugh) the Democrats. That’s why I’m writing this: to help the Dems out. Not because I have any love for them, of course, but if they can improve themselves, then the Republicans will have no choice but to either improve in response or be banished to the political wilderness. The end result will be better for everybody, even for us up here in the Great White North®, seeing as how they’re our biggest trading partners and all.

That’s why I’ve decided to help out the donkeys; and I’m going go do it by explaining…

Why Obama Is Doomed To Lose

Dear Jackasses:

There are plenty of reasons not to vote for him; so many that I’m not even going to bother going into them all here. It doesn’t matter, anyway. None of them are the real reason why he’s going to lose. The real irony of it is, that he would lose anyway and it wouldn’t even be his fault. It would be yours, not his. The man could be the greatest political thinker of the generation and he’d still lose.

It’s because he’s a black Democrat.

There, I said it. It may not sound like a very nice thing to say but it’s still the truth and nothing you can do can escape that. Short of an untimely death (unlikely), John McCain is going to be the next President of the United States of America and there’s nothing that you or I or anyone else can do about it. You picked a losing horse.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should have gone with Billary. She would have lost because she’s a woman Democrat. But I’m not talking about her, I’m talking about Obama, so let’s get on with it.

Borat Obambi’s going to lose because he’s a black Democrat. He’s not going to lose because he’s a Democrat; ya’ll were dumb enough to re-elect Billy-Bob, weren’t ya? I guess you think that it’s because he’s black, then?

WRONG!

Mark well my words on this one, because I’m speaking as someone who’s on the outside, looking in. I really don’t give a damn who you pick to run your country. I’d like you to be wise in your choices, but it’s really your mess to clean up if you blow it, not mine. In America, anyone can grow up to be President; it’s one of the risks you take. That being said, here’s my opinion, as a neutral party who considers himself a fairly keen observer of where American culture has been heading in my lifetime (and even a little bit before): Sometime in the next 20-24 years (five or six elections), if not sooner, the United States WILL have a President who is a woman… or black… or both. Yes, I have someone in mind and no, I’m not gonna tell you who, so shut the hell up.

You see, little Mr. Bananafanafofama isn’t going to lose because he’s black or because he’s a Democrat. He’s going to lose because he’s black AND a Democrat. That combination is political hemlock in the United States. For what it’s worth, to get back to Billary for a second (last time, I promise): being a woman AND a Democrat has the same effect. You boneheads could find yourselves a balck or female version of friggin’ Eisnehower and you still wouldn’t be able to get them elected.

YOU can’t get a black or a woman elected president. YOU. The only, and I mean ONLY, people that you can get elected are white males, and you’ve got no one but yourselves to blame for that. Not a soul. It’s ALL YOUR FAULT! You’ve been busting your asses for years to shackle yourselves to this anchor and now, you’ve got no God damned business acting surprised at your success. ‘Twas long and strong many elections ago, and you have laboured upon it since; ah, ’tis a ponderous chain, my little Ebenezers…

How did you do this to yourselves, you ask? Why can’t you get such a candidate elected? The answer is simple, and it’s going to make you sick: ANY Presidential candidate that you put forward who isn’t a white guy is going to have affirmative action emanating off of them like a stink that would knock flies off a shitwagon. It’s because you’ve been furiously bending yourselves over every barstool in the joint for decades in a frenzied rush to brand yourselves as The Party Of Affirmative Action®. Congratulations, you have succeeded. Now you’ve painted yourselves into a corner that will take you even longer to get out of than it took you to get into. Nice going.

The problem is that the American public thinks something about affirmative action. They think it and talk amongst themselves about it, but not around Leftbot moonbats (they don’t feel like listening to the bullshit). In their minds, it is a very simple yet factual equation:

[affirmative action] = [inferior quality]

They’ve all seen it. Two candidates apply for a job. One has a good education, fine marks, and years of experience in the field; the other did poorly in school, and has never been able to keep a job. Which one got hired? The one that wasn’t a healthy, white, Christian male, of course. It’s bad enough in the workplace, but do you really want some second-rate token (yeah, you heard me) running the country?? You might, but they sure as hell don’t. And that’s where you’re screwed.

Sure, you may have been able to browbeat Geraldine Ferraro quite soundly but her words should have sounded a warning for you. You were only able to get the result you desired because she could be ganged up on; that’s the only real tool you have. But when an American goes in to that booth to vote, they’re all alone with their conscience. There is NO ONE there to harangue them.

They look at that ballot and ask themselves, “is this the best candidate?” If they have to look at it and ask, “is this the best [insert adjective here] candidate?” … Well then, that’s one adjective too many and you’re screwed. They want the BEST candidate for the job, PERIOD, and they don’t give a damn if he/she’s a three-legged, post-menopausal, transsexual whose family tree can be traced back to when a freed slave ancestor married a Cherokee princess. 🙄 Just as long as that pesky adjective doesn’t get shoved in their faces, they’re fine.

You, on the other hand, have wedged that adjective in there so tightly that there’s no prying it loose. You’ve fastened that millstone around your necks and you’re actually stupid enough to be proud of it. Whether you want to admit it or not, Obumble’s been playing the race card all along… and so have you.  In perhaps trying to atone for your past sins, methinks thou dost protest too much.

Hoisted by your own petard.

I hope you enjoyed our little chat; really, I do. And I hope you walk away just a little bit wiser for it. You do your country no service by setting the bar so low for your competition. Good luck getting your act together.

Until then, I’ll be relaxing up here amongst the beavers and igloos and, a few years from now, when it comes on the television, I’ll kick back and crack a cold Canadian beer (that’s “moonshine” to you) and watch the swearing in of the first black/female President of the United States. Another Republican in the White House, because then they win their party’s nomination, nobody at all will wonder if they deserve it or not.

They won’t have to.

It’s not as tricky as you might think. All you need to is just give the gun to the jackass and he’ll take care of it for you. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at who’s running for president of the US of A. John McCain is now officially the American President-in-waiting.

Don’t believe me? Think about it. Just how many times do you think you can call someone a son of a bitch to their face before they decide to give you the back of their hand?

Jean B. Grillo, an “over 50” writer in lower Manhattan, was pretty straightforward: “I am so tired as a white, ultra-liberal, McGovern-voting, civil-rights marching, anti-war fighting highly educated professional woman who totally supports Hillary Clinton to be attacked and vilified as racist and or dumb.”

“Many of us feel slighted,” said Lynn Eyrich Harvey, 76, from Los Gatos, Calif. “We feel that years of supporting the party is unimportant, that we are to sit down and shut up — but be sure to vote Democratic in November.”

Angry White Woman® is pissed at Obabmi and Angry White Man™ hates Billary:

Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don’t pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.

He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock.

Slice it any way that you want; it makes no damned difference at all. The Dems screwed themselves from the start.

UPDATE

Speaking of uberpissed white women… 😯 (more…)

Like I mentioned in my earlier post today, one of the things I like about McCain is his sense of humour and his willingness to take as good as he gives. After all, if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t dish it out, right? That’s what my daddy always told me, anyway.

But McCain’s not all jokes, nosiree. A little more poking around after the last post led me to trip over another clip that shows that McCain’s a man of fairness, too. And he’s more than willing to share his experience and wisdom, even with his opponents!

Now, I ask you: how many politicians can boast that kind of class? Not too damned many; you can bet on that.

He does!

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: one of the things I like best about this guy is his sense of humour. I’m not too big on some of his policies, but anybody that can make good-natured fun of himself with such a straight face can’t be all that bad. Most politicians (especially Republicans, it seems, for some reason) don’t have the guts to lampoon themselves like this…

This has got to be, without any doubt, the worst damned case of BDS I’ve ever seen. But then, I’m not an American, so I might not see it as often.

This dude though, and I’ll freely admit that I don’t have a clue in hell as to who he actually is — I don’t watch MSNBC and I don’t think I’m likely to if this is the quality of programming they offer — totally kooks out over the American President in a way that I thought was usually reserved for lifelong Gritlets wailing about the Impending Doom Under The Evil Government Of Scary Stephen Harper®. Ah, hell, just take a look at this idiot and see for yourself.

I recommend antipsychotics. Strong ones. In bigass doses…

Okay, here we go. Gravol? Check. Barf bucket? Check. Piggies on the runway? Check. I sooooo don’t wanna do this…

Everybody who spends any time here already knows that I have no love whatsoever for Billary “I love country music” Clinton (google it if you can’t figure it out). I agree with Gary Hubbell when he says that “the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock.” I had no idea that Gary even knew me. 😛 The real problem here is that I also like to think of myself as someone who acknowledges common sense, regardless of whose mouth it comes out of.

So you can imagine the conundrum that I find myself in when Billary up has herself a “don’t Falk with me, Argentina” moment and blurts out the only realistic answer on the question of how to deal with a potentially nuke-packing Iran: (more…)