Category: Alberta

Yup, ol’ King Ralph done gone an’ done it agin. The longest serving premier in Canada may be on his way out, but he’s sure not gone yet. Ol’ Ralphie has the Grits, MSM, feminazis and a hoary host of other usual suspects in an utter tizzy after making a risque and Ralphingly off-colour crack about the Librano$’ favourite insult to dogs everywhere, Belinda Stronach. Never mind that the jibe was delivered at a charity roast in Calgary. After all, it’s not like roasts are a place where anybody ever gets mercilessly raked over the coals now, is it? For both of you that don’t already know, here’s the joke:

“And I wasn’t surprised she crossed over – I don’t think she ever did have a Conservative bone in her body. Well, except for one… speaking of Peter MacKay…”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I thought that was damned funny, and apparently so did plenty in the crowd that night, including one woman that came dangerously close to an “I laughed so hard my wine came out my nose” incident. But hey, why let a good raucous joke get in the way of working up a good steam of indignation?

Let’s face it, boys and girls; when Ralph has something in his head, no matter what it is, it’s only a matter of time before it falls out his mouth. And Ralph doesn’t give a tinker’s dam if anybody else can take a joke or not. He never has before and he’s sure as hell not going to start now.

Ralph has been known throughout his entire public life as a man that shoots from the lip. He didn’t tone it down when he was a public servant, so just why does anybody think he’s going to change now that he’s on his way out? For those of you not familiar with Ole King Ralph (almost a third of my traffic comes from the US), here’s a list of some of my favourite Ralphisms (which also show that Ralph doesn’t play political favourites when it comes to barbs):

Ralph on the subject of…

Edmonton v Calgary:
Edmonton isn’t really the end of the world — although you can see it from there.

Former Ontario Premier Bob Rae (NDP):
I think that he’s a very educated person, but he’s a dumb politician.

Former Saskatchewan Premier Roy Romanow (also NDP):
You would never know Roy Romanow was a lawyer because he was a basic down-to-earth individual. I had a lot of time for Roy, notwithstanding our political differences. Roy, I had a lot of time for; Bob Rae, I had no time for, whatsoever.

Quebec:
Quebec is part of Canada as much as a cat in the mouth of a crocodile is a part of the crocodile.
Flipping an environmentalist the bird:
Randy Lawrence ran up on stage where we were all seated … and gave us all the finger. So I gave him the finger back.

Governance:
There’s an old saying in politics. Anyone dumb enough to run for the job probably is too stupid to have it.

People gunning for his job:
Whoever becomes the premier will have a tremendous amount of challenges. That’s why I wake up in the morning and I say: ‘Why am I here?’ It’s because I am not all there.

His other career options:
To go into TV these days you have to be young and pretty. I am neither.

What the hell kind of little bastards are some people raising these days? It seems that Calgary has a problem with local brats, some as young as eight, buggering off with the money raised for Rememberance Day poppies.

Yeah, you read that right. It seems that nearly 100 of the poppy pots (the white buckets that collect the donation money) have grown feet around the city with the help of these little artful dodgers. According to Karen Ellithorpe, of the local Royal Candian Legion 284:

“The biggest thefts are from the Hunterhorn Plaza and Beddington Mall — a security guard in Beddington Mall caught an eight-year-old stealing a pot.”

Is it just me, or does anybody else remember a time when, if you were even caught thinking about pulling some stunt like this, you’d end up with your dad’s belt across your arse? It seems that least one woman out there remembers:

“I’d like the people manning stores to keep an eye on the pots, but we don’t want the individual store owners to take the law into your own hands,” said Bittman, who is reminded of last year when a woman tackled a poppy pot thief and held him captive with a bat and can of bear spray until police arrived.

Somebody remind me to buy that lady a beer. Even worse, this apparently isn’t as unheard of as you might think, and it’s not just kids.