… with twice the politically correct jargon!

For those of you that don’t know already, Andrew Coyne’s going to be live blogging C-Sixer Mark Steyn’s little chinwag with the B.C. Human Lefts Tribunalâ„¢ today, starting at 12:30 EST (in about 20 minutes) and going until… well, whenever the clowns get tired and decide to fold up the tent, I guess… Pop over and click your refresh button from time to time to keep updated.

Naturally, I’ll be brazenly plagiarizing/stealing the choicest tidbits and sticking them in this post as the days go on… 😉

Stay tuned.

-= THE BITS =-

(more…)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, gather ’round as I tell you about 2008’s first nominee for Right Crazy’s BBIBC Awardâ„¢! Our first candidate for the year goes by the name of Kim Robinson. How the hell does a chick get nominated for the Biggest Balls In British Columbia, you ask? Easy: Kim’s a guy (that’s his picture on the right). From the sounds of the story, there just might be a bit of a “boy named Sue” thing going on here.

Now, some folks might argue (not unreasonably, I might add) that Kim may or may not be quite as ballsy as the BBIBC Award’s inaugural winner, Marc Patterson, but you still have to admit that this guy likely clanks when he sits. (more…)

Okay everybody, gather ’round and check out this guy here on the right ( no, bonehead, not the one with his thumb in the air; your other right 🙄 ). This guy’s name is Marc Patterson and he has totally got my nomination for the Biggest Balls In British Columbia Awardâ„¢ after what he did.

I’ll bet you’re wondering what’s got me so impressed, aren’t ya? Well, it’s like this:
Marc and his family went on a camping trip a few days ago, along with a 12-year old friend of his family’s named Colton Reeb. Things were all fine and dandy until Colton needed to make a short trip to the thundershack after dinner. On his way there, Colton bumped into a cougar. The kind that doesn’t wear lipstick (watch the story here):

Colton Reeb was bitten on the head, face, neck and upper chest before a family friend wrestled the big cat off the boy, but his parents told CBC News on Thursday evening their son is resting and in good condition.

[…]

“I see the cougar with his mouth on top of the young boy’s head. [There’s] nothing but blood everywhere,” said Marc Patterson, a Reeb family friend who eventually fought the cougar off the boy.

“I jumped down there on the cat, grabbed him by the neck and started squeezing him from behind. I tried to pull the cat off and it took a few seconds. Finally the cat did let go and then we tumbled,” Patterson said.

“The cat was so strong he just pulled himself out of my hands. Then he’s a metre in front of me, looking at me with his ears back.”

Yeah, you read that right: “wrestled the big cat off the boy!” 😯 This guy must clank when he walks or something…

Five soccer kicks to the head of a cougar weren’t enough to wrench a 12-year-old boy’s head from the mouth of the big cat, says the man credited with saving the lad’s life.

So Mark Patterson put a chokehold on the cougar that had ambushed his young neighbour Colton Reeb, who was on his way to an outhouse near a cabin about 100 km northwest of Kamloops late Wednesday afternoon.

“The cat had Colton’s head in its mouth …blood was squirting out everywhere,” said Kamloops resident Patterson, 45.

“I’m a soccer player and I kicked the cougar in the head five times and it didn’t flinch so I grabbed him by the throat and squeezed as hard as I could and he finally let go.”

Patterson then wrestled with the 70-pound male cougar, which broke free, fixing him with an evil glare and growl, he said.

“I growled back at him and said, ‘I’m ready to go,’” said the five-foot-six, 210-pound Patterson, adding the entire melee lasted up to a minute.

As his wife stood nearby armed with a meat cleaver, the cougar then slinked away.

“I was scared but I don’t remember … I love this little boy and I didn’t want him to die,” said Patterson.

And Colton? Well, I get the feeling that he’s going to be just fine (thanks in no small part to his buddy Marc):

Colton Reeb was in good spirits but feeling “ripped off” after a planned five-day camping trip with his family was cut short when he was attacked on Wednesday near Clinton, British Columbia, the BC Children’s Hospital said.

Yup, got mauled by a cougar and mostly feels bummed that his camping trip got cut short. Ain’t the resilience of kids amazing? All Colton’s thinking about is getting back up there so he can have some time on his new dirt bike. I’ll let Colton’s dad and Marc have the last words today:

An emotional Robin Reeb, Colton’s father, said Patterson deserves a medal for heroism.

“If it weren’t for him, my son would be dead,” said a tearful Reeb, who was in Kamloops at the time of the attack .

“He attacked this thing with his bare hands and kicked the s–t out of it – it’s amazing.”

Said Patterson: “I guess they’re calling me a hero now – I thought soldiers were heroes.”

Okay, everybody; things have been way to serious around here lately. Between byelections, Bishop’s operation, and all the other yadda that you can yadda, things have been downright funless. Bearing that in mind, here’s a little something that I found in my email a while back. Yes, I know that most of you (or most of you from Canada, at least) have probably seen this before but, considering recent events, I thought it would be a fitting little interludefrom the daily grind. If nothing else, at least it’s good for a yuk or two:

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 – Vancouver Blizzard 2005 – Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops.

Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver’s most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV’s actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

“The government has to do something,” snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. “I didn’t pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto.”